Super Species? Not so much

If I were to stop everything and go to grad school right now, I would study relationships. I would study the way that human beings – this supposed evolved, “super” species — interact and communicate with each other. Why? Because we suck at it. Women are too driven by emotions, jumping to conclusions time and time again, while men are too stunted to adequately express their thoughts/feelings/concerns/fill-in-the-blank**

You would think that over the course of human existence we would have continued to evolve past this dreadful stage to a world where men and woman could just express themselves, in a easy to understand, straightforward kind of way. No more holding back, no more turning it into something it isn’t.

Though I’ve been interested in this topic for a while — communication being my background — today was the kind of day that just slams you in the face with the realization of WTF are we all doing and why can’t we just figure it out. Case in point:

  • Guys who can’t express what is going on with them and end up shutting everyone out.
  • Girls who go from 0 to 100 in assumptions
  • Guys who just bleed douchebaggery
  • The whole Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus idealogy to begin with 

Again — why can’t we all just be up front about it? No more games. No more secrets. No more lies. No one ever jumps for joy when dating a complete asshole or misses being pushed away, so it’s not like we’re all gonna miss much. 

** Yes, massive generalizations were made in this post. 

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At A [Dating/Relationship] Crossroad

November started a week ago. In the last eight days, I think I’ve blogged more than I ever had in the entirety of this here blog. But then again, two weeks into starting this here project, I started seeing B. So my promiscuous-isms were forced to take a step back over the last six months.

Now, I’m on the eve of possibly being single again (read: I should dump his ass, but still care just enough that it makes the decision tough), I’m trying to figure out the direction I want to take L&OT. Where do I want to go with it? What do I want to do with it?

Will it be an outlet to talk about the sausage(s) I come across at drunk brunch? Do I want to continue down the road of one-night stands and random hookups. What, oh what, am I looking for anymore? 

When I started blogging, I was content on sharing my fun and exciting forays between the sheets. Now, I don’t know. Yes, and no. To be perfectly honest, having someone — one person — there for you, knowing how they kiss, getting your individual rhythms in sync with each other… it’s nice. It’s really nice. And trading that in for a daily squeeze will be rough.

And that’s just when it comes to the sex.

I like B. I like B alot. And not having him around anymore will be rough. Except that, he still will be around. We co-exist in one social sphere, so there will be times when I see him once a week or so. Knowing that also sucks.

The way I see it is:

  • I can let my inner sex craze run rapid.  I can scream and shout (out of pure sexual exhilaration, of course) and let it all out (thank you, Britney) purely for entertainment. 
  • I could play the card of the scholar — learning, studying, understanding all that comes with love, lust, relationships, breakups, the works (which, oddly enough, seems slightly fascinating).
  • I could tame my evil ways and start the search. You know, the search — for that special someone, my prince charming. But then again, I’m only 24, so what’s the rush. 

Or I suppose, it could be a mix of the three. Eventually, one would take it’s place as the rightful king of the throne, and there it would be. Direction problems solved. 

I guess. Maybe. Kinda. Or better yet, we’ll see tomorrow. 

It is what Is is.

This happened yesterday — well, at least it kind of sort of did. I had the opportunity to visit the BlogHer conference in Chicago (The kind of, sort of part, was that I was working the event for one of my clients, not as a blogger). Not expecting more than throngs of mommy bloggers and brands catering to the like, I really didn’t expect much — at all.

Fast forward to the Trojan booth. Yes, ladies, the Trojan booth. As I write this (scribe?), I happily possess a variety of Trojan Lubricants and even a vibrator from the Trojan Midnight Collection. Sadly, the vibrator doesn’t work (of course, i’ve already tried giving it a go), but I’ve contacted customer service to see about getting a replacement.

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Was it a Date? Was it Not a Date?

Apparently I suck at blogging just as much as I suck at online dating. Yea, that whole Match.com experiment has gotten me nowhere. I have no desire to put in the time or effort, so no wonder things like Match.com or even OkCupid have never worked.

Interestingly enough though, I did actually chat to guy for a tick from Tinder… the Hot or Not type dating app. I’m one interesting cookie, I know.

I suppose that, in some ways, you could say I’ve had a lull for content. But in other ways, I haven’t. What I’m trying to say is that last night, I may or may not have had a date. I’m still not sure. I don’t date. It’s outside of my realm of expertise (no really, I wasn’t kidding when I said that I don’t date. I don’t.)

What I do know is this:

  1. He said he wanted to take me out to dinner* but actually made the plans via text.
  2. He was about 10 minutes late.
  3. He picked me up (but then we walked to the restaurant from my house).
  4. We sat at the crappy restaurant talking for a few hours.
  5. He paid.
  6. There was never a lull in the conversation.
  7. We had a good time.
  8. We hugged goodnight.
  9. There was no hint of a second date update.

* After making a drunken ass fool of himself.

To make matters worse, HowAboutWe.com’s 5 Signs It’s Not a Date article was no help:

  1. They bring a friend. No.
  2. They don’t offer to pay/let you pay. No.
  3. They talk about their love life. No.
  4. They’re relaxed around you… a little too relaxed. Eh?
  5. You Don’t Know if They’re Interested at the End. Very much so.

Thanks for that, How About We. Lot’s of help.

Regardless of if it was or wasn’t, I was more excited about than I’d like to admit. That being said, if it wasn’t/nothing comes of it, I won’t be devastated. He’s a fun guy, a Southern Gentleman, but I’m in no rush. But, yes, if he were to ask again, I’d probably say yes (Don’t tell my mother).

And so, I leave you now with a little poll. Do your worst:

A girl and her boys

In case you didn’t catch it from my first post, I don’t really date. As in, I don’t really date AT ALL. Again, it’s not that I don’t want find someone to fall in love with. Or even that I want to piss off my mother (which sometimes seems like a good enough reason). It’s that I don’t want to find someone to fall in love with right now.

Over the past few years, I’ve floated between different cities and different states, not having lived longer than two years in any one city since I was in high school. My longest stint at employment is now with a whopping 14 months, and I’m about ready to just walk out. I have commitment issues, and I’m a free spirit. My greatest fear is meeting a guy I’d be forced (read: would actually want) to stick around for. And, just for full disclosure, I was also dumped hard. Three and a half years down the drain with click of a text message.

That all being said. I don’t hate men. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Enter my slew of gentlemen friends:

The Hot & Bothered Hookup

I’m not kidding when I say “Hot and Bothered” (unfortunately). This guy… oh man… he’s like my Achilles heel. We banter. We bicker. We get under each other’s skin. There are probably thousands reasons why he’s a BAD idea*, but even that doesn’t seem to be reason enough to just say no. Fortunately, I’m over my “OMG I’m like you so much” phase, and I can focus my efforts on just having some hot & bothered fun 😉

* There will most likely be more on that later

The Closest Thing I Have to an Actual Boyfriend — Good Thing He’s 1700 Miles Away

Yes, such a guy exists. The kind of guy I’d actually consider dating (though I’m pretty sure that I’d find a way to royally fuck it up). We talk all day every day, and we’ve been talking all day every day since I bumped him to him the last time I was home. We’ve known each other since high school, so I guess some would say it’s almost kind of cute. Either way, he’s the last person I talk to at night and if it weren’t for the time difference, he’d be the first person I talk to in the morning.

The 50 Shades of Grey

Oh, Mr. 50. I can only imagine how he could rock my world in between the sheets, or really anywhere. Alas, it’s true — I haven’t actually done the dirty with him. We just have this hot, hot story of a blow job in a hotel stairwell. He’s man who knows what he wants. A man who isn’t afraid to take charge (which I’m perfectly all right with). He’s also got a decent sense of humor. So, of course, we’ve kept in touch post-Holiday (I mean, in all honesty, I couldn’t let a dick like his walk out of my life) and occasionally touch base on upcoming travel plans… and sext. Needless to say, I cannot wait for the next time our paths cross.

So there you have it. My backwards, non-sensical, perfectly un-normal love life written into cyberspace. But, hey, I’ve got time to kill and drinks to drink, so this list is ever changing. Round and round we go, where it stops nobody knows, right?