Online Dating: Not my Cup of Tea

First of all, I do realize that I am a mere 36 hours (give or take) out of my relationship – quasi as it be – and dating / jumping into bed with anyone right now may not be the best idea.

I realize this, I do.

But, that doesn’t mean it’s not too early to start the preliminary search. Unfortunately, the preliminary search for me, at least, is NOT online dating. I’ve tried it once; I’ve tried it a million time. The guys I connect with are just NOT what I’m looking for:

  • They’re based out of the burbs (ew)
  • They’re babies/youngins (ew)
  • They’re only after sex (not horrible, but so not worth the effort. Heeeelllllo, bar down the street!)

I know that a new guy is the last thing I need right now, but seriously, are these my options? I’m a firm believer in trying everything once, but online dating is just NOT it.

In case you’re wondering, I stick to OKcupid for the most part– it’s free. And with free comes a long list of pros and cons. Primarily for me, its a major con: matchups that just won’t work out. In other words: Go home, OKCupid; you’re drunk!

I honestly prefer meeting people IRL. I’ve tried time and time again to make online dating work to no avail. I can find jobs online, not my men.

On that note, however, I do leave for a European vacation in a week…. fingers crossed that i find myself a vacation rendevouz (or two?!)

Facebook Status: Relationship Lite

I stumbled across a new term today: Relationship Lite. In my mind, I was like uhhhh — WHAT is that? Relationship Lite? 

Essentially, it’s the step up from FWB. Some say that it’s worth retiring the old FWB term. But, I mean, there’s always a little something different between one term to the next. 

Friends with benefits, to me — and the good-ole JT film — implies that you’re getting dirty between sheets with someone you get along with. It’s all good times with good people, but nothing serious. 

There’s also the “Fuck Buddy” label, which is obviously a step down from FWB. Tricky, tricky. 

Relationship Lite… Well… that just perfectly explains my current love life, and maybe that’s why I don’t really know I feel about it. Like hit’s the nail on the head with that one. 

According to a recent HuffPo article on the topic, a Relationship Lite is.. 

I’m defining a Relationship Lite as an arrangement between two people where you do relationship-like activities (hanging out, going out, ordering in, talking and sharing stories, getting drunk together, cuddling, watching movies, teasing each other, meeting each other’s friends, having sex) yet these activities lack the intimacy of a full-blown relationship. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the two of you don’t share moments of intimacy, but you must remember that “moments of” do not a relationship make. A full-blown relationship is built around the idea that the intimacy you share with your partner is reliable and acts as a stabilizing force in your life. You count on your partner for certain things (both practical and emotional) and in turn, your partner counts on you for the same support.

Relationships are built on trust, on compatibility, on mutual feelings. So what is a Relationship Lite? A relationship with all the good stuff, but then what… it’s just not so much on serious stuff? I may not be in the kind of relationship where I call my guy my BF, but I am in the kind of relationship where I know he’d be there for me if I needed him to be. 

So what’s that then, Relationship Lite 2.0?

Relationship Ready, Question Mark…

Starting new relationships can be hard. Not only do you need to figure out what the other person is thinking, but you also need to figure out what you’re thinking. Are you ready for this? What exactly do you want this to be — a summer fling? a serious thing? something in between?

For the lucky few who have it all figured out ahead of time, good for you. For us unlucky folk (yes, myself included), figuring it out is damn-near impossible until one day it isn’t. You just know. You know that is or that it isn’t what you’re looking for.

If it is, enjoy the bliss of new relationships, young love and/or lots of sex!

If it’s not, take solace in the fact that you’re not alone (note: here’s where I wanted to I insert some really interesting statistic that I couldn’t find). Relationships don’t last for multitudes of reasons: long distance, timing, emotional baggage, so on and so forth.

Or maybe it’s just not the right person…

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A girl and her boys

In case you didn’t catch it from my first post, I don’t really date. As in, I don’t really date AT ALL. Again, it’s not that I don’t want find someone to fall in love with. Or even that I want to piss off my mother (which sometimes seems like a good enough reason). It’s that I don’t want to find someone to fall in love with right now.

Over the past few years, I’ve floated between different cities and different states, not having lived longer than two years in any one city since I was in high school. My longest stint at employment is now with a whopping 14 months, and I’m about ready to just walk out. I have commitment issues, and I’m a free spirit. My greatest fear is meeting a guy I’d be forced (read: would actually want) to stick around for. And, just for full disclosure, I was also dumped hard. Three and a half years down the drain with click of a text message.

That all being said. I don’t hate men. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Enter my slew of gentlemen friends:

The Hot & Bothered Hookup

I’m not kidding when I say “Hot and Bothered” (unfortunately). This guy… oh man… he’s like my Achilles heel. We banter. We bicker. We get under each other’s skin. There are probably thousands reasons why he’s a BAD idea*, but even that doesn’t seem to be reason enough to just say no. Fortunately, I’m over my “OMG I’m like you so much” phase, and I can focus my efforts on just having some hot & bothered fun 😉

* There will most likely be more on that later

The Closest Thing I Have to an Actual Boyfriend — Good Thing He’s 1700 Miles Away

Yes, such a guy exists. The kind of guy I’d actually consider dating (though I’m pretty sure that I’d find a way to royally fuck it up). We talk all day every day, and we’ve been talking all day every day since I bumped him to him the last time I was home. We’ve known each other since high school, so I guess some would say it’s almost kind of cute. Either way, he’s the last person I talk to at night and if it weren’t for the time difference, he’d be the first person I talk to in the morning.

The 50 Shades of Grey

Oh, Mr. 50. I can only imagine how he could rock my world in between the sheets, or really anywhere. Alas, it’s true — I haven’t actually done the dirty with him. We just have this hot, hot story of a blow job in a hotel stairwell. He’s man who knows what he wants. A man who isn’t afraid to take charge (which I’m perfectly all right with). He’s also got a decent sense of humor. So, of course, we’ve kept in touch post-Holiday (I mean, in all honesty, I couldn’t let a dick like his walk out of my life) and occasionally touch base on upcoming travel plans… and sext. Needless to say, I cannot wait for the next time our paths cross.

So there you have it. My backwards, non-sensical, perfectly un-normal love life written into cyberspace. But, hey, I’ve got time to kill and drinks to drink, so this list is ever changing. Round and round we go, where it stops nobody knows, right?