Super Species? Not so much

If I were to stop everything and go to grad school right now, I would study relationships. I would study the way that human beings – this supposed evolved, “super” species — interact and communicate with each other. Why? Because we suck at it. Women are too driven by emotions, jumping to conclusions time and time again, while men are too stunted to adequately express their thoughts/feelings/concerns/fill-in-the-blank**

You would think that over the course of human existence we would have continued to evolve past this dreadful stage to a world where men and woman could just express themselves, in a easy to understand, straightforward kind of way. No more holding back, no more turning it into something it isn’t.

Though I’ve been interested in this topic for a while — communication being my background — today was the kind of day that just slams you in the face with the realization of WTF are we all doing and why can’t we just figure it out. Case in point:

  • Guys who can’t express what is going on with them and end up shutting everyone out.
  • Girls who go from 0 to 100 in assumptions
  • Guys who just bleed douchebaggery
  • The whole Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus idealogy to begin with 

Again — why can’t we all just be up front about it? No more games. No more secrets. No more lies. No one ever jumps for joy when dating a complete asshole or misses being pushed away, so it’s not like we’re all gonna miss much. 

** Yes, massive generalizations were made in this post. 

Flirting with class = mustache, always

Flirting with class = mustache, always (AKA Four Grownup Ways to e-flirt with Class via eHarmony)

True story: I clicked on this link solely for the image. I, mean, seriously?

I could only see a glimpse of it at first, but yes, the featured image is a woman with a mustache sweater. Let me rephrase it, the featured image – for a blog entry on E-FLIRTING WITH CLASS – is a woman with a mustache sweater.

That is all.

Foreign Affairs

In just seven days and some odd hours, I’ll be leaving on a jet plane for my Thanksgiving abroad. Had I still been not single, I would have tried (most likely, unsuccessfully) to spend as much time with B as I could muster before saying our fair wells for the week. Now that I am single, however, I’m responding to OkCupid messages (yes, I may have responded to Mr. Sincerely-your-ex-hubby… more on that later), signing up for Grouper and just trying to positively envision my life as a single gal once more. 

I’m thinking about … 

  • Dusting off / reworking my sex bucket list (more on this later)
  • Reading all those cheesy (or not cheesy and perhaps potentially informative) dating books
  • Walking up to strangers at bar with a new found vigor 

Annnnnnd….

  • The possibility of a hot and heavy travel fling

Sadly — I’ve been googling “travel fling”, “travel romance”, “travel sex” for more time than I’ve spent writing this post. I’ve found nothing good. No helpful hints. No juicy stories. Nothing. 

Which is, I suppose, is normal. You can’t really develop a game plan for steamy travel agendas. Well, ok, you could, but that’s kind of creepy at the same time. 

Nevertheless, I am crossing my fingers that exchange glances with sexy smoldering European man (or two) from across the bar. In a typical romance movie fashion, he would casually get up and walk towards me, never looking away. Drinks. Laughter. The works would soon ensue. SAWOOOOOOOON. 

Ok — maybe I got a little ahead of myself, but I think you get the point 😉

Online Dating: Not my Cup of Tea

First of all, I do realize that I am a mere 36 hours (give or take) out of my relationship – quasi as it be – and dating / jumping into bed with anyone right now may not be the best idea.

I realize this, I do.

But, that doesn’t mean it’s not too early to start the preliminary search. Unfortunately, the preliminary search for me, at least, is NOT online dating. I’ve tried it once; I’ve tried it a million time. The guys I connect with are just NOT what I’m looking for:

  • They’re based out of the burbs (ew)
  • They’re babies/youngins (ew)
  • They’re only after sex (not horrible, but so not worth the effort. Heeeelllllo, bar down the street!)

I know that a new guy is the last thing I need right now, but seriously, are these my options? I’m a firm believer in trying everything once, but online dating is just NOT it.

In case you’re wondering, I stick to OKcupid for the most part– it’s free. And with free comes a long list of pros and cons. Primarily for me, its a major con: matchups that just won’t work out. In other words: Go home, OKCupid; you’re drunk!

I honestly prefer meeting people IRL. I’ve tried time and time again to make online dating work to no avail. I can find jobs online, not my men.

On that note, however, I do leave for a European vacation in a week…. fingers crossed that i find myself a vacation rendevouz (or two?!)

A High Sex Drive and Plenty of It is A-OK

It’s late, and I don’t really feel like talking about how I doing right now (what with my recent break up and all),  so lets turn to my favorite subject: sex.

Huffington Post recently asked women to share things they wished someone had told them about sex, before they started having it. I guess I can’t really add to this, except that I totally agree with 2, 3, 5, 11 (true, but definitely a story for another time), 15 – practice makes perfect 😉 Continue reading

Let’s Talk About Sex: Book Club

It’s 9:45 on a Saturday night, and for the second night in a row, I’m chilling in bed. I would just like it to be known that I’m a winner. Typically, I would like to say that I’m a party animal, and Tues – Thursday I typically am. Tonight? Tonight, I am resting my liver and my wallet in preparation of drunk brunch. Drunk brunch at a straight bar (I am a huge fan of gay brunch).

It’s pretty much needless to say that tomorrow should have some stories. Except for the fact that B and I still haven’t talked. A part of me feels like I’m/we’re avoiding the inevitable. I could just shoot him a text that reads “hey – I’m done.” But I’ve been dumped via text before and it’s not fun.

So what have I been doing with my evening (see what I did there, that rapid change of subject??). Funny you should ask, my friends. I’ve been compiling a list, of sorts, of dating/love/sex/relationship books I’d like to read.

My own little mint book club of one (though you’re all welcome to join).

I’m thinking books like The Game, Not Your Mother’s Rules, it’s called a break up because it’s broken , and so on. Just for, you know, shitz and gigs, research, the works.

If you have any recommendations, share away. Eventually, I’d like to add a literature page with the complete pending/finished list. Should be for some interesting reads.

At A [Dating/Relationship] Crossroad

November started a week ago. In the last eight days, I think I’ve blogged more than I ever had in the entirety of this here blog. But then again, two weeks into starting this here project, I started seeing B. So my promiscuous-isms were forced to take a step back over the last six months.

Now, I’m on the eve of possibly being single again (read: I should dump his ass, but still care just enough that it makes the decision tough), I’m trying to figure out the direction I want to take L&OT. Where do I want to go with it? What do I want to do with it?

Will it be an outlet to talk about the sausage(s) I come across at drunk brunch? Do I want to continue down the road of one-night stands and random hookups. What, oh what, am I looking for anymore? 

When I started blogging, I was content on sharing my fun and exciting forays between the sheets. Now, I don’t know. Yes, and no. To be perfectly honest, having someone — one person — there for you, knowing how they kiss, getting your individual rhythms in sync with each other… it’s nice. It’s really nice. And trading that in for a daily squeeze will be rough.

And that’s just when it comes to the sex.

I like B. I like B alot. And not having him around anymore will be rough. Except that, he still will be around. We co-exist in one social sphere, so there will be times when I see him once a week or so. Knowing that also sucks.

The way I see it is:

  • I can let my inner sex craze run rapid.  I can scream and shout (out of pure sexual exhilaration, of course) and let it all out (thank you, Britney) purely for entertainment. 
  • I could play the card of the scholar — learning, studying, understanding all that comes with love, lust, relationships, breakups, the works (which, oddly enough, seems slightly fascinating).
  • I could tame my evil ways and start the search. You know, the search — for that special someone, my prince charming. But then again, I’m only 24, so what’s the rush. 

Or I suppose, it could be a mix of the three. Eventually, one would take it’s place as the rightful king of the throne, and there it would be. Direction problems solved. 

I guess. Maybe. Kinda. Or better yet, we’ll see tomorrow. 

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I’ll be here ’til the end of time
So you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?

 

The Clash

This could very well be my song for the last month and a half. I’ve neither shitted (shat?) or gotten off the pot. I’m stuck. I’m stuck in a land of should I stay or should I go. 

The fact that I’m writing this should be proof enough. It should be plain as day that GIRL, dump his ass already. But, no, it isn’t. At the end of the day, I still want him. At the end of the day, I still have so many feelings I’ve never told him, and feelings I haven’t been ready to face head on should things go sour. 

As if bad sign on top of bad sign on top bad sign wasn’t enough, today’s relationship advice in the Chicago RedEye was along the lines of:

QUESTION: how do I get my guy to commit more / want to spend more time with me

ANSWER: Honey, he may like you, but that sure as hell don’t mean he likes you enough. 

Ok — I may have added a few superlatives to that bit, but I believe my point gets across. I don’t think he likes me enough and I don’t think I’d be OK with that in the long run. 

Though I’m sure it won’t give me the answer I want, I’ve googling for one of those yes-no infographics. I haven’t found one yet, but I’m quite interested to see what it says. Maybe I should make one. Turn this whole shitty mess into possible career: the breakup/romance infographic-ist. 

I can see myself raking in the millions now. Book deals. TV spots. The whole nine yards. 

My horoscope says I should start investing in my ideas. I really do think it’s a sign. 

Although, if I stoop to the level of believing in signs, I think it’s safe to say I really should run for the hills with this here relationship. I mean, there has been sign after sign after sign after sign. 

Le sigh.