Super Species? Not so much

If I were to stop everything and go to grad school right now, I would study relationships. I would study the way that human beings – this supposed evolved, “super” species — interact and communicate with each other. Why? Because we suck at it. Women are too driven by emotions, jumping to conclusions time and time again, while men are too stunted to adequately express their thoughts/feelings/concerns/fill-in-the-blank**

You would think that over the course of human existence we would have continued to evolve past this dreadful stage to a world where men and woman could just express themselves, in a easy to understand, straightforward kind of way. No more holding back, no more turning it into something it isn’t.

Though I’ve been interested in this topic for a while — communication being my background — today was the kind of day that just slams you in the face with the realization of WTF are we all doing and why can’t we just figure it out. Case in point:

  • Guys who can’t express what is going on with them and end up shutting everyone out.
  • Girls who go from 0 to 100 in assumptions
  • Guys who just bleed douchebaggery
  • The whole Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus idealogy to begin with 

Again — why can’t we all just be up front about it? No more games. No more secrets. No more lies. No one ever jumps for joy when dating a complete asshole or misses being pushed away, so it’s not like we’re all gonna miss much. 

** Yes, massive generalizations were made in this post. 

Flirting with class = mustache, always

Flirting with class = mustache, always (AKA Four Grownup Ways to e-flirt with Class via eHarmony)

True story: I clicked on this link solely for the image. I, mean, seriously?

I could only see a glimpse of it at first, but yes, the featured image is a woman with a mustache sweater. Let me rephrase it, the featured image – for a blog entry on E-FLIRTING WITH CLASS – is a woman with a mustache sweater.

That is all.

Online Dating: Not my Cup of Tea

First of all, I do realize that I am a mere 36 hours (give or take) out of my relationship – quasi as it be – and dating / jumping into bed with anyone right now may not be the best idea.

I realize this, I do.

But, that doesn’t mean it’s not too early to start the preliminary search. Unfortunately, the preliminary search for me, at least, is NOT online dating. I’ve tried it once; I’ve tried it a million time. The guys I connect with are just NOT what I’m looking for:

  • They’re based out of the burbs (ew)
  • They’re babies/youngins (ew)
  • They’re only after sex (not horrible, but so not worth the effort. Heeeelllllo, bar down the street!)

I know that a new guy is the last thing I need right now, but seriously, are these my options? I’m a firm believer in trying everything once, but online dating is just NOT it.

In case you’re wondering, I stick to OKcupid for the most part– it’s free. And with free comes a long list of pros and cons. Primarily for me, its a major con: matchups that just won’t work out. In other words: Go home, OKCupid; you’re drunk!

I honestly prefer meeting people IRL. I’ve tried time and time again to make online dating work to no avail. I can find jobs online, not my men.

On that note, however, I do leave for a European vacation in a week…. fingers crossed that i find myself a vacation rendevouz (or two?!)

I still haven’t broken up with B. I sent him a note this morning asking him if even wanted to have this conversation. If he actually wanted to have it, or if he wanted to have it to appease me. He’s said nothing all day. 

At this point, it’s over, but I just need closure. 

And so, in a text message that I’ve prepped (but won’t send until tomorrow — once I’m sober), I’ve pretty much said, I care a lot about you, but I really can’t do this any more. I noted that I’d rather not do it via text, but that I couldn’t trust the conversation would happen otherwise. 

I’m a mess. 

It sucks. 

I’ve never been the one to officially end things, at least, not when it was at this level of serious. 

It straight up sucks. 

 

Let’s Talk About Sex: Book Club

It’s 9:45 on a Saturday night, and for the second night in a row, I’m chilling in bed. I would just like it to be known that I’m a winner. Typically, I would like to say that I’m a party animal, and Tues – Thursday I typically am. Tonight? Tonight, I am resting my liver and my wallet in preparation of drunk brunch. Drunk brunch at a straight bar (I am a huge fan of gay brunch).

It’s pretty much needless to say that tomorrow should have some stories. Except for the fact that B and I still haven’t talked. A part of me feels like I’m/we’re avoiding the inevitable. I could just shoot him a text that reads “hey – I’m done.” But I’ve been dumped via text before and it’s not fun.

So what have I been doing with my evening (see what I did there, that rapid change of subject??). Funny you should ask, my friends. I’ve been compiling a list, of sorts, of dating/love/sex/relationship books I’d like to read.

My own little mint book club of one (though you’re all welcome to join).

I’m thinking books like The Game, Not Your Mother’s Rules, it’s called a break up because it’s broken , and so on. Just for, you know, shitz and gigs, research, the works.

If you have any recommendations, share away. Eventually, I’d like to add a literature page with the complete pending/finished list. Should be for some interesting reads.

At A [Dating/Relationship] Crossroad

November started a week ago. In the last eight days, I think I’ve blogged more than I ever had in the entirety of this here blog. But then again, two weeks into starting this here project, I started seeing B. So my promiscuous-isms were forced to take a step back over the last six months.

Now, I’m on the eve of possibly being single again (read: I should dump his ass, but still care just enough that it makes the decision tough), I’m trying to figure out the direction I want to take L&OT. Where do I want to go with it? What do I want to do with it?

Will it be an outlet to talk about the sausage(s) I come across at drunk brunch? Do I want to continue down the road of one-night stands and random hookups. What, oh what, am I looking for anymore? 

When I started blogging, I was content on sharing my fun and exciting forays between the sheets. Now, I don’t know. Yes, and no. To be perfectly honest, having someone — one person — there for you, knowing how they kiss, getting your individual rhythms in sync with each other… it’s nice. It’s really nice. And trading that in for a daily squeeze will be rough.

And that’s just when it comes to the sex.

I like B. I like B alot. And not having him around anymore will be rough. Except that, he still will be around. We co-exist in one social sphere, so there will be times when I see him once a week or so. Knowing that also sucks.

The way I see it is:

  • I can let my inner sex craze run rapid.  I can scream and shout (out of pure sexual exhilaration, of course) and let it all out (thank you, Britney) purely for entertainment. 
  • I could play the card of the scholar — learning, studying, understanding all that comes with love, lust, relationships, breakups, the works (which, oddly enough, seems slightly fascinating).
  • I could tame my evil ways and start the search. You know, the search — for that special someone, my prince charming. But then again, I’m only 24, so what’s the rush. 

Or I suppose, it could be a mix of the three. Eventually, one would take it’s place as the rightful king of the throne, and there it would be. Direction problems solved. 

I guess. Maybe. Kinda. Or better yet, we’ll see tomorrow. 

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I’ll be here ’til the end of time
So you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?

 

The Clash

This could very well be my song for the last month and a half. I’ve neither shitted (shat?) or gotten off the pot. I’m stuck. I’m stuck in a land of should I stay or should I go. 

The fact that I’m writing this should be proof enough. It should be plain as day that GIRL, dump his ass already. But, no, it isn’t. At the end of the day, I still want him. At the end of the day, I still have so many feelings I’ve never told him, and feelings I haven’t been ready to face head on should things go sour. 

As if bad sign on top of bad sign on top bad sign wasn’t enough, today’s relationship advice in the Chicago RedEye was along the lines of:

QUESTION: how do I get my guy to commit more / want to spend more time with me

ANSWER: Honey, he may like you, but that sure as hell don’t mean he likes you enough. 

Ok — I may have added a few superlatives to that bit, but I believe my point gets across. I don’t think he likes me enough and I don’t think I’d be OK with that in the long run. 

Though I’m sure it won’t give me the answer I want, I’ve googling for one of those yes-no infographics. I haven’t found one yet, but I’m quite interested to see what it says. Maybe I should make one. Turn this whole shitty mess into possible career: the breakup/romance infographic-ist. 

I can see myself raking in the millions now. Book deals. TV spots. The whole nine yards. 

My horoscope says I should start investing in my ideas. I really do think it’s a sign. 

Although, if I stoop to the level of believing in signs, I think it’s safe to say I really should run for the hills with this here relationship. I mean, there has been sign after sign after sign after sign. 

Le sigh. 

Facebook Status: Relationship Lite

I stumbled across a new term today: Relationship Lite. In my mind, I was like uhhhh — WHAT is that? Relationship Lite? 

Essentially, it’s the step up from FWB. Some say that it’s worth retiring the old FWB term. But, I mean, there’s always a little something different between one term to the next. 

Friends with benefits, to me — and the good-ole JT film — implies that you’re getting dirty between sheets with someone you get along with. It’s all good times with good people, but nothing serious. 

There’s also the “Fuck Buddy” label, which is obviously a step down from FWB. Tricky, tricky. 

Relationship Lite… Well… that just perfectly explains my current love life, and maybe that’s why I don’t really know I feel about it. Like hit’s the nail on the head with that one. 

According to a recent HuffPo article on the topic, a Relationship Lite is.. 

I’m defining a Relationship Lite as an arrangement between two people where you do relationship-like activities (hanging out, going out, ordering in, talking and sharing stories, getting drunk together, cuddling, watching movies, teasing each other, meeting each other’s friends, having sex) yet these activities lack the intimacy of a full-blown relationship. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the two of you don’t share moments of intimacy, but you must remember that “moments of” do not a relationship make. A full-blown relationship is built around the idea that the intimacy you share with your partner is reliable and acts as a stabilizing force in your life. You count on your partner for certain things (both practical and emotional) and in turn, your partner counts on you for the same support.

Relationships are built on trust, on compatibility, on mutual feelings. So what is a Relationship Lite? A relationship with all the good stuff, but then what… it’s just not so much on serious stuff? I may not be in the kind of relationship where I call my guy my BF, but I am in the kind of relationship where I know he’d be there for me if I needed him to be. 

So what’s that then, Relationship Lite 2.0?

The Date To End All Dates (NaBloPoMo)

Falling in love can be hard. Meeting that one special person can be hard (OK, maybe damn near impossible). Hell, even life can be hard. But just because it’s a challenge, doesn’t mean we can’t succeed, that we won’t succeed.

My latest challenge: NaBloPoMo (try saying that five times fast).

That’s one post a day for a month. From now until November 30. And to up the ante, I’ll take NaBloPoMo’s prompts and make them lust-y. Yea, that’s right, I went there…

BlogHer’s Prompt: If you found one million dollars in the morning and had to spend it by nightfall, what would you do with the money?

Lusty-fied: Describe your end-all, be-all, most perfect date (if money were no object).  Continue reading