I wish I could say it was this easy. But that’s just a lie.
I wish I could say it was this easy. But that’s just a lie.
I still haven’t broken up with B. I sent him a note this morning asking him if even wanted to have this conversation. If he actually wanted to have it, or if he wanted to have it to appease me. He’s said nothing all day.
At this point, it’s over, but I just need closure.
And so, in a text message that I’ve prepped (but won’t send until tomorrow — once I’m sober), I’ve pretty much said, I care a lot about you, but I really can’t do this any more. I noted that I’d rather not do it via text, but that I couldn’t trust the conversation would happen otherwise.
I’m a mess.
I’ve never been the one to officially end things, at least, not when it was at this level of serious.
It straight up sucks.
It’s 9:45 on a Saturday night, and for the second night in a row, I’m chilling in bed. I would just like it to be known that I’m a winner. Typically, I would like to say that I’m a party animal, and Tues – Thursday I typically am. Tonight? Tonight, I am resting my liver and my wallet in preparation of drunk brunch. Drunk brunch at a straight bar (I am a huge fan of gay brunch).
It’s pretty much needless to say that tomorrow should have some stories. Except for the fact that B and I still haven’t talked. A part of me feels like I’m/we’re avoiding the inevitable. I could just shoot him a text that reads “hey – I’m done.” But I’ve been dumped via text before and it’s not fun.
So what have I been doing with my evening (see what I did there, that rapid change of subject??). Funny you should ask, my friends. I’ve been compiling a list, of sorts, of dating/love/sex/relationship books I’d like to read.
My own little mint book club of one (though you’re all welcome to join).
I’m thinking books like The Game, Not Your Mother’s Rules, it’s called a break up because it’s broken , and so on. Just for, you know, shitz and gigs, research, the works.
If you have any recommendations, share away. Eventually, I’d like to add a literature page with the complete pending/finished list. Should be for some interesting reads.
November started a week ago. In the last eight days, I think I’ve blogged more than I ever had in the entirety of this here blog. But then again, two weeks into starting this here project, I started seeing B. So my promiscuous-isms were forced to take a step back over the last six months.
Now, I’m on the eve of possibly being single again (read: I should dump his ass, but still care just enough that it makes the decision tough), I’m trying to figure out the direction I want to take L&OT. Where do I want to go with it? What do I want to do with it?
Will it be an outlet to talk about the sausage(s) I come across at drunk brunch? Do I want to continue down the road of one-night stands and random hookups. What, oh what, am I looking for anymore?
When I started blogging, I was content on sharing my fun and exciting forays between the sheets. Now, I don’t know. Yes, and no. To be perfectly honest, having someone — one person — there for you, knowing how they kiss, getting your individual rhythms in sync with each other… it’s nice. It’s really nice. And trading that in for a daily squeeze will be rough.
And that’s just when it comes to the sex.
I like B. I like B alot. And not having him around anymore will be rough. Except that, he still will be around. We co-exist in one social sphere, so there will be times when I see him once a week or so. Knowing that also sucks.
The way I see it is:
Or I suppose, it could be a mix of the three. Eventually, one would take it’s place as the rightful king of the throne, and there it would be. Direction problems solved.
I guess. Maybe. Kinda. Or better yet, we’ll see tomorrow.
Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I’ll be here ’til the end of time
So you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?
This could very well be my song for the last month and a half. I’ve neither shitted (shat?) or gotten off the pot. I’m stuck. I’m stuck in a land of should I stay or should I go.
The fact that I’m writing this should be proof enough. It should be plain as day that GIRL, dump his ass already. But, no, it isn’t. At the end of the day, I still want him. At the end of the day, I still have so many feelings I’ve never told him, and feelings I haven’t been ready to face head on should things go sour.
As if bad sign on top of bad sign on top bad sign wasn’t enough, today’s relationship advice in the Chicago RedEye was along the lines of:
QUESTION: how do I get my guy to commit more / want to spend more time with me
ANSWER: Honey, he may like you, but that sure as hell don’t mean he likes you enough.
Ok — I may have added a few superlatives to that bit, but I believe my point gets across. I don’t think he likes me enough and I don’t think I’d be OK with that in the long run.
Though I’m sure it won’t give me the answer I want, I’ve googling for one of those yes-no infographics. I haven’t found one yet, but I’m quite interested to see what it says. Maybe I should make one. Turn this whole shitty mess into possible career: the breakup/romance infographic-ist.
I can see myself raking in the millions now. Book deals. TV spots. The whole nine yards.
My horoscope says I should start investing in my ideas. I really do think it’s a sign.
Although, if I stoop to the level of believing in signs, I think it’s safe to say I really should run for the hills with this here relationship. I mean, there has been sign after sign after sign after sign.
Nothing screams confidence like a minor case of the Diva. I’m not saying a full-blown DIVA is necessary, just a damn-I’m-sexy-and-I-know-it attitude.
So come on now, give me your diva.
I should probably write these BEFORE I head out for the evening. Otherwise, I end up writing them half-asleep, so I’m sure they are chockfull of grammatical/spelling errors (or just don’t make sense, at all). But I guess there’s not much I can do about that today. Without further ado, tonight’s non-sensical ramblings:
I used to drive to work an hour (or more) each way. The only good thing I have to say about the year and a half worth of commuting is that I got to listen to the radio ALOT, and I especially enjoy the random shit they talk about during the morning talk shows.
One day, they decided to broach the topic of paint colors and what they mean for your sex life. I don’t remember their specific source, but I found an article on the topic from Glamour (if not that than try this Apartment Therapy one about paint colors and corresponding moods) so that will just have to do.
Happy Monday! It’s late, and I’m tired, so today’s post is going to be a little bit of a doozy.
In hopes of following along with BlogHer’s prompt for today (name a character you’d invite to a dinner party — my choice being any of the Disney princesses), I was trying to find an infographic (or something) on the real sexual nature of the Disney Princesses (to keep with my blog’s theme), based off their time periods/personalities. I swear I’ve seen it before, but found no such thing.
I’ll keep looking 😉
For now, here’s some fun facts for the day (via 15 Not-So-Important Facts About Sex). Enjoy!
I stumbled across a new term today: Relationship Lite. In my mind, I was like uhhhh — WHAT is that? Relationship Lite?
Essentially, it’s the step up from FWB. Some say that it’s worth retiring the old FWB term. But, I mean, there’s always a little something different between one term to the next.
Friends with benefits, to me — and the good-ole JT film — implies that you’re getting dirty between sheets with someone you get along with. It’s all good times with good people, but nothing serious.
There’s also the “Fuck Buddy” label, which is obviously a step down from FWB. Tricky, tricky.
Relationship Lite… Well… that just perfectly explains my current love life, and maybe that’s why I don’t really know I feel about it. Like hit’s the nail on the head with that one.
According to a recent HuffPo article on the topic, a Relationship Lite is..
I’m defining a Relationship Lite as an arrangement between two people where you do relationship-like activities (hanging out, going out, ordering in, talking and sharing stories, getting drunk together, cuddling, watching movies, teasing each other, meeting each other’s friends, having sex) yet these activities lack the intimacy of a full-blown relationship. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the two of you don’t share moments of intimacy, but you must remember that “moments of” do not a relationship make. A full-blown relationship is built around the idea that the intimacy you share with your partner is reliable and acts as a stabilizing force in your life. You count on your partner for certain things (both practical and emotional) and in turn, your partner counts on you for the same support.
Relationships are built on trust, on compatibility, on mutual feelings. So what is a Relationship Lite? A relationship with all the good stuff, but then what… it’s just not so much on serious stuff? I may not be in the kind of relationship where I call my guy my BF, but I am in the kind of relationship where I know he’d be there for me if I needed him to be.
So what’s that then, Relationship Lite 2.0?