Starting new relationships can be hard. Not only do you need to figure out what the other person is thinking, but you also need to figure out what you’re thinking. Are you ready for this? What exactly do you want this to be — a summer fling? a serious thing? something in between?
For the lucky few who have it all figured out ahead of time, good for you. For us unlucky folk (yes, myself included), figuring it out is damn-near impossible until one day it isn’t. You just know. You know that is or that it isn’t what you’re looking for.
If it is, enjoy the bliss of new relationships, young love and/or lots of sex!
If it’s not, take solace in the fact that you’re not alone (note: here’s where I wanted to I insert some really interesting statistic that I couldn’t find). Relationships don’t last for multitudes of reasons: long distance, timing, emotional baggage, so on and so forth.
Or maybe it’s just not the right person…
My good guy friend – we’ll call him Aviators – recently went from hanging with a stage 4 clinger to Facebook Official (oh snap, the big FO) to commitment-phobe in record time. His issues with the clinger were enough to get me freaking out about my own clingliness factor (fortunately, I’ve been reassured I’m not too clingy at all).
Aviators has admitted on several occasions that he’s a serious monogamist. He does serious relationships like a kid in a candy store — one after another after another. Uncharacteristically, he’s been single I’ve known him (a year or so now), though he’s continued to date casually.
His stance is that the “I don’t want a relationship right now” excuse is that it’s bullshit, and that, deep down, every one wants to be in a relationship. It’s a lie we tell, according to him, to keep from having to be honest about the fact that the other person just isn’t a fit, even if they stack up on paper.
If so, are we lying more to ourselves or to the other person? Are you afraid (of heartbreak? Of the commitment? Of letting someone get to know you)? Are there bigger issues at stake? Can someone be at a place in their lives where such a thing as totally not wanting a relationship exists? Or is the other person really just not what you’re looking for?
Though I’ve admitted to not wanting a relationship in the past, I’ve also been able to step back to realize what I really meant was that I wasn’t ready for one. Like many, I have my fair share of issues. Some of which, I really want to say I’ve moved past before dragging someone else down with me. Ready or not, though, I’m still trying to give this dating thing a shot. Dating, after all, doesn’t mean he gotta put a ring on it.